A Luthors Heritage
by SarahZorEl
Summary: Lena reflects on the discreet parts of her life she long wished to forget. Between handling L-Corp and the toxic relationship with her mother how can she even try to 'hope' to form a bond with a bubbly Super when the word 'family' lends itself to the term 'destructive nature' and that's all she has ever known? **Trigger Warning for Abuse/Suicidal Thoughts.**
1. Chapter 1

Lena knows she's haunted, taunted by a painful past. She often finds herself drifting inside those grim memories, between sharp business meetings when sat idly behind her desk or at night lit up by moonlight already in one bourbon too deep. Vehemently attempting to remove those distasteful edges that always seemed to linger… but unable to stop questioning, unable to quash the cemetery of childhood skeletons and those broken promises that still exist inside a beautifully crafted analytical mind. Instead she roams the hallways examining the variety of gravestones, each with their own disheartened meaning. Quietly she ponders the ones reading 'Here Lies Lena Luthors Innocence RIP'.

Of a morning covered in bubbles and soap suds as she valiantly rubs at her pale complexion, scrubbing just a little too hard as she tries and tries and tries desperately to strip away layers of sickness and anxiety. Perilous thoughts convincing her that sludge was buried somewhere underneath. Knowing that as unmarked, unblemished and surprisingly unscarred her 'pretty' outside form maybe, if you where to peel it back ..take just one tiny peak there'd be no flesh, no blood, no marrow... no humanity left at all... that mud only covers the indentation of the place where Lillian's fist had soiled and sold her soul...

...leaving scratch marks where her kind childlike essence had been torn out oh SO brutally.

Lillian likes to hold things captive, she's already kidnapped her life, held it hostage - she's enjoyed filling Lena with chaos and anarchy.

Yes Lena was more than a little haunted, but no one could know…

 _She was a Luthor after all._

Thus she retained a stoic, somewhat cold demeanour. Not letting anyone close or anything near… _because it was just better that way_. Or so she told herself day after day, secretly pining for a way out of her own self inflicted isolation. Watching with neglected bleary green eyes, a little too curious as yet another glance was stolen at two mothers playing 'Disney princesses' with their six year old child. Thinking that it should have been her…. that _if only fairy god mothers or genies even existed..._ to grant her that wish, to make it real... to turn back the clock long enough...that the Luthor manor hadn't made her twisted.

...Made her fear them. Made her stomach clench at the unfamiliarity of the word family.

Merely wanting something she'd never been lucky enough to have or to treasure.

A loving mother, a normal life ….someone or something to depend on or hold on to forever.

...To not be so alone in all of this immorality. To not be the only one to drag cumbersome weight of screaming inner demons, aloft a set of tragically bruised black and blue shoulders.

A picture of professionalism, sleek lines and manicured hair… that was the mask and persona she allowed the whole world to notice, the one she'd taken almost two decades to call perfection.

It hadn't always been this easy, to fool them into thinking everything was more than simply 'ok'. But she'd outdone herself today. There's been those few moments where she's broken down suddenly, when people would look down at her in sympathy… _pity_ back when a young teenage Luthor had failed 'family' spectacularly.

At who she was molded, manipulated and meant to be...

Those who scoffed in disbelief, when all she told was the truth. Those who judged, dismissed and accused saying it was only lies.

The ones who just stood by and did nothing, _they where the absolute worst kind_.

So Lena learned the hard way that no one wants to hear of your pain, that you should hide. That they didn't mean it when they happened to ask 'how was your day?' 'Are you okay?' 'how are you doing today?' or 'are you fine?'

Lena understood that you are meant to grin and bear it, smile miraculously and pretend like your inside world wasn't burning. That you didn't still imagine holding a gun fully cocked and loaded, to your pristinely painted face everytime your phone chimed with the words 'mother dearest' asking you whether you had yet to finish working.

Yes Lena Luthors life was a ditchomy of both luxury and abundance…. depravity and despair. She had people yelling at her because... she was meant to be 'happy' as a Fortune 500 billionaire.

* * *

Lillian had always been cold, uncaring... albeit prone to bouts of rage hidden under that snarling 'Luthor' facade. Before Lex's madness took hold handing them _all_ over to notoriety. The family somewhat well-known always seemed the picture of stability... painting a beautifully regal portrait _at least_ from the outside looking in ... and _tragically_ that was in fact _not the case_ or an accurate depiction of the Luthor familial line.

On paper they looked like perfect _rich_ high class proprietary dominating the scientific realm... a multitude of geniuses holding each other up high on a pedestal. Lena bore the brunt of that _big fat lie_ living on the inside. Always more than a little problematic... _unstable_ , Lillian especially... she was sadistic and cruel... enjoyed tormenting others Lena most of all, _it's probably what drove Lex mad_... considering mental illness seemed to ravage the family bloodline. If not Lena's suicidal ideation or Lex's lunatic ravings.. it was Lionel's depression induced drinking added to Lillian's erratic mood swinging that likely brought the grand Luthor household tumbling down.

She'd always wondered whether her mother would be considered bi-polar if she wasn't in such stark _denial_ but aside from bouts of anger and erratic-hyper behaviour dancing the line between _aloofness and mania_ , her symptoms never seemed to add up exactly. Using her own skills of scientific observation Lena had concluded she certainly retained some sort of disorder **and** anger issues _that was for damn sure_ and doubted she actually had the capacity to physically process certain emotions, at least... the way most humans do... _side effect of said personality disorder maybe?_ Lena wasn't one hundred percent sure.. she wasn't a medical doctor, she really didn't know all that much at all.

Counteracting that however... allowing Lillian keep her equilibrium, to peruse the outside world easily, no matter what the deficit.. flaunting herself warts and all, without blinking, without turning heads was her _sharp sharp_ intellect, her innate ability to manipulate and to regain control. Like she had an inherent _need_ for control, power. She was calculating... everything was one move on a chess board... _and I've always been the goddamn fucking pawn_.

Narcissistic Cow.

* * *

Alone in her office building, outside on the newly built LCorp balcony... high above National City. Breathing in the scent of fresh cool morning air... Lena felt calmed by the view surrounding her... the solitude it afforded to think slowly or to not think at all. The way **out** it provided if she only stepped forward. Brain often addled by flashbacks, nightmares... even dissociation it was an _indulgence_... a break from the bubbling of emotion or expectations of a family name...

One Lena doesn't get to enjoy that often.. only in those tiny narrow windows were everything is momentarily frozen. In between raindrops falling, the sky clearing or a rare flower blooming when she finds a single unwinding thread of peace. Or what's closest to it…

In the 24 years Lena's been alive she's forever been on guard, always waiting for the next shoe to fall. It's not a matter of 'if' but a matter of _when_ … knowing the next punch **is** coming… that's what leaves her so totally on edge, the waiting… the terror it builds inside, the feeling of the pressure continuously rising. It's comforting really… _the wall_ that is... not the persistent pest of anxiety.

The one she built with her own blood, sweat and bare hands. It's the only thing that she's found herself proud of, the one thing she's gave her everything.. _her all_. Ever since she'd stopped crawling and started walking, it was the one place to keep her most vulnerable and raw materials safer.. the puzzle pieces that still don't like to stick together _so she can block it all_. Not that she's ever understood the term safety…. her life has been anything other..

One of her earliest memories pertained to a rage filled mother pushing her to the ground… just flashes, _blurred really_ … though so ingrained into a barely five year old child.

Moving further forward it only continued… those moments were clearer, Lena still relives them daily, can recall it quite vividly. She can pinpoint the precise set of events spread out throughout time and history were self awareness struck her and thus the inbuilt parental idolisation slowly started waining. Understanding dawned eventually, a realisation from a ten year old girl that it _wasn't_ normal….

That being dragged down the stairs by your _ankles_ wasn't the correct course of action or a reputable form of punishment for any witty childish comeback.

See Lena wasn't allowed to question, to voice out a difference of opinion. She grew up without sound or sturdy solid ground… only egg shells of a fragile ego cracking with every foot left on her surroundings. Quick to sour or turn violent, Lillian was always one to play the blame 'Lena Luthor' game.

Because everything with Lillian was a game as previously mentioned... she lived for the hunt, breathed for the blood of a good ol' hearty round of emotional fencing.

Between a duel of two swords or that of a chess board either way the problem being.. was that you weren't only moving heavy marble pieces or two sharp blades of equal measure. They were remnants of your inner psyche... a wooden toy no match for Lillian's well refined and crafted slicer. Your body a pawn, if your mind a ruck….. the bishop your moulded and disassembled personality. She'd left you without your own queen usually already captured and detained, thus having your king checkmated before you'd even woken up that tormented _fucking_ morning.

Defending yourself was always considered answering back... _because clearly I should just have a zipper for a mouth_ … one that mother can open and close when warranted.

 _Maybe she should just use duct tape for efficiency_..

Either way your expected to let yourself be taunted, be just fine with being manipulated and okay with the prospect of continued bullying. _Because who the fuck are you_ …. for all your worth... _your someone to be owned according to her_.

Looking out to the sky, a familiar red and blue line stood out darting among the clouds. Lena smiled watching as the famed hero of National City barrelled through her sightline as she passed by.

Muttering a 'hey supergirl' to herself, forgetting for a moment she could be overheard... that red and blue streak turned abruptly coming to a stop directly in front of Lena.

Gaping for a moment, somewhat caught out. Lena couldn't help be mesmerised by the picture displayed before her... it didn't seem real, The Kryptonian looked like one of those poised photoshopped magazines. Hair highlighted by the sun, golden curls shimmering, flecked and reflecting the light. Face and body completely shadowed... but what stood out the most was the contrast between the blue of the suit that seemingly matched the brightness of her uniquely sparkling eyes. Hovering a few feet above the balcony, cape billowing, skirt blowing, leg to one side she greeted smiling happily "Miss Luthor!"

Leaning forward Lena glanced upward somewhat coy "Supergirl!"

Noticing the bourbon in her hand at ...8:30 in the morning Supergirl frowned cocking her head like a puppy dog. About to speak her head shot up abruptly- _obviously_ hearing something distressing in the distance. Looking back to Lena Supergirl sheepishly smiled...

"Duty calls?"

Nodding Supergirl responded "Duty Calls..." about to fly off Supergirl hesitated before quietly commenting "I hope your doing alright Miss Luthor." With that she was off in a flash...

 _If only she knew_. Lena rolled her eyes and couldn't help but wonder what exactly would happen If she did... _probably nothing_ it's not like she can wipe away past motherly indiscretions but Lena couldn't help but pine after that sense of _hope_ she projected to the heart of National City as its golden girl... _Jealous much_. They'd only met a handful of times, but something about her made Lena wish for more, for something to be different... _to be inspired._


	2. Chapter 2

... and that's how it had all started. Small visits here and there from the heroic caped crusader... it _helped_ , that small detail of care from a woman... _a stranger_ who for all intense and purposes had more reason than most to hate her for all she's worth.

 _Monetary value excluded... It wasn't that much anyway._

Supergirl, the Alien being the _world_ relied on, who was tasked with taking care of millions _no billions_ of people- took time out of what must be an _excruciating_ schedule to make visiting Lena a recurring theme. Somewhere at the back of her mind doubt surfaced in the form of Lillian's voice screaming 'she's keeping an eye on you, she doesn't care for you dear nobody does'

Lena really hoped that wasn't true, perhaps it was naive to think Supergirl was all Kindness and Stoicism but _she really did not_ want to let Lillian ruin this thing too, _e_ ven if she were a figment of her own imagination _this time_.

See Supergirl was the first person in years to look past her family name... so used to walking the public domain facing constant cat calls, distasteful looks, harassment and object fear... to have someone broach her as an equal... who might even enjoy her company was... _jarring._

On one flip of the coin she was to be mocked, loathed, envied... she was intimidating... to those who she didn't know and on the other she was worthless, looked down upon, treated like she wasn't any better than dirt on the underside of Lillian's boot all because she wasn't intimidating enough.. she showed vulnerability, weakness... a difference of perspective and _that_ ground Lillian's gears.. of that she could be certain.

 _Because that impeded Mother dearest._

That got in the way of Lillian's own agenda, her own ideals. No matter what it could do to her dear old daughter. _All she wanted was to parade her around and be the puppet master._

So... Lena was ultimately enjoying the current ongoing feeling of being more than a little rebellious ... befriending a Super... _that's bound to wind her up._

It wasn't a good idea, mother will not be kind but... _who's she to turn down the first friendly hand she's had-_ Hell' enjoy it while it lasts... it's not something she's used too... _support, company.. maybe even a shoulder to lean on at some point... okay don't get ahead of yourself._

Let's just see where it goes.. _I doubt even the nicest women on the planet will want to be near you once she discovers your retched past and all that baggage._

 _...though don't we all have skeletons?_

 _...I wonder what Supergirls are. I suppose..._ I could always dare to ask...

* * *

This might be the time to find out...

Knocking on glass Lena looked up to find Supergirl hovering...

Waving her in...

"You do realise that's not an entrance?"

Smirking, all swagger and caped charm "it's one of my very own"

Humming she asked "Drink?"

Supergirl nodded "Just water... on call tonight, so can't be flying on a full belly of liquor"

Raising an eyebrow "Does alcohol even effect you?"

Chuckling "nahh but gotta set a good example to the kiddos, the ones that look up to Supergirl."

..."you mean you... or do you always refer to yourself in the third person?"

eyes widening "Oh, ye-yes well.." slumping her shoulders- at Lena's questioning gaze "I suppose.. it's just... Supergirl is what I can do.. it's not necessarily all that I am.. Sometimes I forget that, forget that I'm her too, that she's still a part of me... _really_ "

Lena gathered finished for her ..."but not the whole you."

The Kryptonian nodded shyly, asking "your not gonna ask for like a name now are you? Sadly I'll have to politely decline, it's not errr- _safe_ just like I tell all of those other people.." Gesturing outside dopily...

Lena returned to the middle of the room, handing over Supergirls glass before manoeuvring to the couch "Sounds like you have a lot of people invested in you... I for one am not interested in family names just the person inside... so you don't have to worry." Patting the seat...

Shrugging "Ehhh mainly just the press and _Cat Grant_... but she doesn't mean it, not nastily anyways"

 _Interesting..._ Tugging at her lip Lena watched as the super sat down... angling her cape to the side... _i wonder how much that weighs..._

Surprised "But isn't that what she's known for.. her brash?.. nasty... have at it attitude?"

The blondes eyes crinkled fondly "She _is_... but just like me that's not all that she is... she's-"

Seemingly lost for words Supergirl paused debating "-possibly the most warm and caring person I've ever know... _at least_ once you break down those prickly walls of hers..."

Hearing Supergirl talk of walls, made Lena return to her thoughts of her own... w _as it really so easy for Supergirl to surge right past them?_... _would she so easily see through mine as she seemingly did with the Queen of All Media... Surely not?!_

"Is it hard? ...leading a double life?" _I went for it..._

Supergirls head cocked... inquisitive and seemingly determining as to whether she could really trust _a luthor..._

Shrugging... "Sure it can be... i mean... i may be alien but i have flaws... I have responsibilities outside of this job... I _... have problems_ , just like everyone else... and it can get complicated"

Blue orbs darting between Lena and the glass she caught the double entendre... smirking... _deflecting..._ "Ahh so you caught that even I have.. ... a few small _issues_...?"

Nodding... "well in all honesty i couldn't help but notice _you don't half drink alot..._ not that i'm judging."

Awkward... Supergirl turned slightly moving a palm until it hovered hesitantly over Lena's knee.. the mistake of accidentally making Lena uncomfortable... hand now resting against Luthor skin... a shiver spiralled down her spine as the memories came bolting forward... flinching suddenly... Supergirls face fell as Lena shakily stumbled upwards...

Striding over to her desk planting her glass down she put her full weight on the edge... leaning with both hands either side and her head tilted downwards. Breath quivering... Lena grabbed hold of the glass and downed it in one... letting the burn remind her of the mask in place and the role she had to play...

Flustered Supergirl stood... concern evident... hearing the change in the way Lena's body continued working... the roll of stomach acid as it splashed upwards against the muscles within her throat... the sound of a wavering breath and adrenaline spiking causing her heart to hammer in her chest.

Whispering... cautious... "Lena?"

 _That was the first time she's called me anything but Miss Luthor..._ it was too much... _it was too close._

Sighing... forcing her shoulders to relax... Lena turned... trying her best to not flounder her immaculate reentry into this conversation...

Politely... aloof she added "It's fine Supergirl... now... if you don't mind..." Gesturing to the door... "If you could make your way out... i have rather alot of work to finish off before i go home... and i'd prefer not to leave it until morning."

Sending Supergirl an all too obvious fake smile... the Kryptonian looked perplexed at what she should do... standing for a few moments unsure she eventually started to move... respecting the Luthors wishes...

Hand hitting the cool smooth glass, Supergirl couldn't help herself partially turning... "I'm sorry if i made you uncomfortable... i... i shouldn't have been so forward... it's just... you seem like you might need someone... i just... if you ever want to talk.. _just call okay?"_

Gulping back her reaction... her outward demeanour stayed cool and collected _even if her heart was a beating drum... and stuttered at that comment..._ "Thank you... but that.. _won't be necessary_ Supergirl..."

At that she left... and Lena was left to deal with her own devices deciding to drown the screaming angry thoughts with the rest of that bottle of scotch... _she'll leave her analysis of that_ _interaction until morning._


End file.
